The minute I moved back to Nigeria two
years ago it became clear that although 75% of Nigerian women are plus
size, it isn’t celebrated and some people even frown upon it. A lot of
Nigerian women will go out of their way to walk up to a complete
stranger after they see you have no ring on, just to let you know that
you are too big to find a husband, or that you should lose “small weight”. Then
we have the uncouth family members that see you after a long time and
even before they say hello, the first thing that comes out of their
mouth to you is weight-related – “o ti put on” “omg you’ve added”… added what?...
I’m the first to shut down negative
comments and very quick to put you in your place. I try to avoid
responding to older people’s snark but I’ll be the first to walk away if
you try to ruin my day because I’m a size you’re not comfortable with.
No need to say, “I’m sure she hates herself, she’s just pretending”,
those are your own insecurities you’re projecting on the easiest
target. Here’s my thing, if you aren’t close enough to the person then
don’t say a word to them; keep your unsolicited advice to yourself. And
if you are close to the person; until you notice that it is affecting
their entire being, be it health or emotions, it isn’t your place
either. Every plus size person is fully aware that they are big, they
aren’t blind, they see themselves in the mirror every day.
Since I’ve moved to Nigeria, I’ve
experienced some ugly behaviour. If I didn’t have tough skin I’d
probably hide in my shell and never go out, I’m going to share some of
my experiences with you just so you know you’re not alone. Body shaming
is very common in Nigeria, its either you’re too big or you’re too
skinny. To the trolls it’s either “you’re too big because you’re overeating and not exercising” or “you’re too skinny because you have no food” – there’s never a better reason for your size they don’t understand.
Taje Prest at AMVCA 2015
Let me digress for a minute; the ideal
size for Nigerian women I’ve found is a small 12. That’s the size you
need to be if ‘skinny’ isn’t for you and you want to be accepted. My
thing is, why are you trying to be accepted by people that make no
difference in your life?
There was a day I stopped to use an ATM
in Lekki Phase 1 and some uneducated individual also waiting to use the
ATM felt it was his due diligence to society to say, and I quote, “you should do some sports, maybe running or something.”
I say uneducated because an educated man wouldn’t be so rude. His
friend in his car heard him and told him off immediately. I laughed, and
told him off with a two-part sentence, and walked back to my car. I
smiled because his friend told him off so I didn’t have to say much and
my appearance bothered him so much he felt he had to say something.
Show-stopper or nah? 
Another experience was when I attended the AMVCA 2015
in a gold bandage dress with my arms out on the red carpet, which I
usually don’t do. Social media platforms put out first photos on their
Instagram pages and comments started pouring in. One person commented “she looks like the Malt bottle behind her,” another said “does she have friends?” Mind
you that day I felt extremely sexy and nothing was going to get me
down, everybody at the event kept showering me with compliments so
really I was flying high.
There are a lot more examples but I’m
sure you have some of your own, please do share. Let others know we’re
all in this together. I’m going to use myself as an example; I LOVE
myself, flaws and all. My weight is the queen of fluctuation. Because my
body is the first to get tired of a workout routine or a meal plan and I
have to switch things up from time to time but that doesn’t mean that I
hate myself; in fact it’s the exact opposite. I love myself even harder
because my self-love makes up for all the negativity that may come at
me on the daily. Generally, it’s that my bum is too big it’s causing
problems. This is a problem I embrace with open arms; I’d rather my
dress fit with my curves sitting right than look straight as a ruler in a
bodycon dress.
Nigerians – most especially women, STOP
BODY SHAMING! The men generally like plus size women for reasons I’ll
share in another post soon. Just because a woman is plus size doesn’t
mean “she cant find a man”, doesn’t mean she overeats, doesn’t
mean she doesn’t exercise, doesn’t mean she’s lazy, most especially it
doesn’t mean she doesn’t love herself!
With her stretchmarks, rolls, cellulite
and every flaw in-between, it isn’t your business nor is it your place
to say something to the big woman you saw buying chocolate at the
grocery store. It could easily be for someone and if it isn’t its not
your business; let’s learn to leave everyone to live their lives, so
people aren’t afraid to shop for someone else because the things on the
list might cause glaring stares and whispers.
Body shaming is played out; from the plus size and ‘skinny’ people, we’re all over it.
No comments:
Post a Comment